Literary products of Miss Maxali's Inspiration/Boredom

The Must-Have Action List for Event Marketing… with an emphasis on social networks

2010-12-16T12:06:00.000-08:00

The Must-Have Action List for Event Marketing… with an emphasis on social networks

Switching to Tumblr...

2010-08-05T14:22:00.001-07:00

So I noticed I haven't updated this blog since May 2009...so I'm starting a fresh new blog with Tumblr! Follow me there. Or feel free to read some of my old ish here.

Also, check out my HELLA new website at www.NicoleMaxali.com

Upcoming Shows for Miss Maxali

2010-08-05T14:20:00.000-07:00

So the SF Theater Festival has invited me to perform my One Woman Show “I Heart Lola”. So I’ll be performing this Sunday (August 8th)! It’s a pretty cool festival with over 130 performances & 17 stages in downtown SF. And all shows are FREE!

Here is the information for my show:

TICKETS ARE FREEEEE! No need to reserve, Just Show up!

Sunday, August 8th at 12:15pm
California Historical Society
678 Mission St, at 3rd st. (Map)
San Francisco, CA 94105

2010 - The Year of the PHEONIX

2010-01-01T11:26:00.000-08:00

I’m here sitting in the “French Kiss” apartment my mother & I rented for our 10 days here in Paris, France. Last night we spent ringing in the New Year at Champ Elysees & then to The Sacred Coeur (Sacred Heart of Christ) looking over Paris with about 50,000 people. We finished a bottle of Champagne (which was given to us by the owners of French Kiss). It was beautiful and perfect. People brought their own fireworks, we popped open the bottle and walked the streets of Montmartre until 3am. Today most stores and restaurants are closed. So we had a nice day sleeping in until 1:30pm and cooking here at the apartment. I feel so blessed to have accomplished so much this year and to have been able to come to Paris with my mom for X-mas and NYE.

WHAT I LEARNED IN 2009 & WHAT I'M TAKING WITH ME INTO 2010:

Biggest lesson: You don’t always get what you want, But God always provides you with what you NEED. This was shown through so much of what I thought was best for me: Living with my dad for free, my relationship with my ex & the Improv troupe, hobofish. All three were things I thought I wanted, things I thought were going to help me in some way…but in the end God knew best. Things I originally thought were going to be blessings but were necessary to create space in my life for the things i REALLY needed: A New Home, Creation through Solo Performance & focusing on Self-Love.
Don’t allow other people’s projections, guilt or judgments affect who you are or how you see yourself. This one is pretty self-explanatory. I mean you’d think I’d know this already. But this is something that was the hardest to "Let go & Let God". What helped me in this, was reading the book "Changes That Heal" by Dr. Henry Cloud.
TRUST your instincts! This comes up everytime I think about my ex…and how I felt about him when we first started dating. I didn’t listen to myself, instead I allowed my fantasies to get the best of me. In the end, I learned that people shouldn’t change because they want to make someone else happy, they should change to make themselves happy. Or else that change won't stick.
Release Blame! Let go of blaming people and circumstances of "your" dilemma. In another really good book, by Rev. Micheal Bernard Beckwith, he states "Give up your blame stories in order to be empowered and in order to understand your responsibilities." And when you find yourself playing the blame game, forgive. "ALL Forgiveness is self-forgiveness. Forgiveness isn't about forgetting about what happened and trying to like a certain person again. Forgiveness is eliminating toxicity from yourself & your life. In truth, you may never like that person again. But in the end you will not be giving them power over you."
A lesson that I’m having to remind myself everyday: Happiness and True Love isn’t about finding it in a significant other…it’s about finding it in YOURSELF! And having enough love for yourself that you forgive yourself for past mistakes, hurts, pains, tribulations. Instead, Learn and grow from them. And eventually, with that self-love you will be able to give that love away to others around you.

WHO I AM NOW:
Victim NO more! I’m on this journey now to rediscover myself, rebirthing my identity. Unlearning so much and like a phoenix…rising out of the ashes. This is what it feels like for 2010. I’m rising.

I’ve also allowed myself to get out of my comfort zones and be the CREATOR of my own future and of my career. Writing more and more. Producing a January solo show now with Off Market Theater. And acting and writing in my own One Woman Show. I’ve also started on my 3rd show, which is about my grandma Encar. I only have 25 minutes thus far…but this is a project that I’ve been wanting to start since grandma was first diagnosed with Dementia back in 2006. And now I’m doing it!

I’m listening to myself now, trusting my own instincts and listening less and less to what people think I should be doing or saying or focusing on. So starting my New Year, in the “City of Lights” and the “City of Love” is a perfect and fitting way to move on…from out of the shadows. I feel so blessed and rejuvenated. I feel like there is nothing I can’t accomplish. And going to the Victor Hugo museum, I felt inspired…Victor Hugo was an artist with a lot to say. An artist with something important to say. That could touch the poor, the rich, the everyday person and in turn inspire change. Something I hope to accomplish in my life time through my work.

Happy 2010 people, I hope you get free from your comfort zones and embrace the unlimited possibilities that are ready to unfold in your life!

To My Fellow Rising STAR....Mike Baker the Bike Maker

2009-05-01T12:50:00.000-07:00

So I know I haven't written in awhile...mainly cuz I've been super busy with the two week run of my solo show, "Identification Please", at The Thick House in SF. But I wanted to take the time to express the joy and appreciation I have for one of my fellow rising stars: Mike Baker the Bike Maker and the rest of the cats from The Honor Roll.

This past weekend while I was performing, Mike was doing his thing in LA. And it reminded me of one of Dave C's stories...how when he was doing his thing 10 years ago, he'd be recording his Comedy CD the same place all his musically inclined friends were recording theirs. This was at a time before they all blew up into the big names they are now...names like: Mos Def, Erykah Badu, The Roots, Talib Kweli, Common, etc.

So with great honor and pride...i can say "Oh yea, me and Mike Baker go waaay back...Asian American Studies class at SFSU!"

NOW check out what all the buzz is about on my friend Mike Baker:

http://www.nbcbayarea.com/around_town/the_scene/Bay-Area-Emcees-Make-the-Honor-Roll.html

http://www.vampdnow.com/

http://www.foolsgoldrecs.com/blog/2009/04/29/new-tap10-mix-more-honor-roll-updates/

Mike Baker the Bike Maker - The Chase from Honor Roll on Vimeo.

--
Mike Baker the Bike Maker
http://www.freshselects.net/mikebakersampler
(W)mikebakerthebikemaker.com
(B)mikebakerthebikemaker.blogspot.com/

Embracing 2009!

2009-02-13T16:17:00.000-08:00

So it's a New Year with a NEW Relationship, Home, President & a NEW plethora of artistic endeavors! Yes, it's only February but I'm already piling the food on the plate. Let's start with...

1) Stand-up: I'm booking gigs left & right. Opening for some awesome comics like Joey Guila. Check my next stand-up gigs on my comedy myspace page: www.myspace.com/spiderpig07707

2)My One Woman Show: "Identification, Please" is still under construction as I take another round of Kamau Bell's Solo Performance class. And will be writing it to a full length show. But in the meantime, you can watch a snippet on April 1st @ Counterpulse in SF. Buy tix here: http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/55157

3) Improv/Sketch Comedy: Was just asked/invited to join both the AATC's (Asian American Theater Company) Sketch Comedy Troupe and the Improv Troupe, Hobofish. Apparently I have to choose one or the other. So although I'm juiced about BOTH opportunities & what this will mean for my comedy...i'm still deciding.

4) Film Acting: Was just cast in another web-series. This one is more of the dramatic genre. And will hopefully be cast in another indie feature this summer/fall...Here's manifesting!

5) VLOGS: Found a new love for editing through my YouTube channel and documenting my journey as an artist/event planner/soul in human form. Check out my latest creation:

Letting Go, Letting God (aka The NEW Nicole Maxali)

2008-12-27T11:36:00.000-08:00

My very first VLOG!!! So excited to share it with you...it's 6 minutes long, but well worth it! Enjoy!

And a major inspiration for the new cut, Miss Lily Allen (I heart her new song "The Fear"):

Next Project: My One Woman Show!

2008-11-19T12:01:00.000-08:00

I'm currently in the process of creating my first One Woman Show. As this is a new endeavor, I'll be honest in saying that I don't know what I'm doing. So I enlisted the services of a Mr. Kamau W. Bell (Kamau has been profiled in The San Francisco Chronicle on three different occasions, including not ironically during Black History Month. The SF Weekly called him, "smart, stylish, and very much in the mold of politically outspoken comedians like Dave Chappelle and Margaret Cho". He currently has his own One Man Show playing at The Climate Theater in SF). He is also the instructor for the Solo Performance class I've decided to take to help in my process of writing my show.

Now, I won't say too much as I do not want to give away any of the surprises, characters or content of my own piece. But I will say, that this is the hardest creative endeavor I've experienced in my whole 10 years of performing. As compared to stand-up comedy, this most certainly took longer to get over my own fears of judgment and condemnation. As the topic of my show is very near and dear to my heart...I had to come to terms that in order for me to expressively shine through this project, I had to tear down the walls that kept me safe and secure from strangers and even worse...fellow comics.

Last night, I was finally able to do that (after three weeks of being in this class). I was able to have fun and finally feel free on stage with my writing and with my piece. I admit there's more work to be done with my writing, my commitment to my characters & my story's arch. But at least the hard part for me is over.

And so this morning (as I slept through my alarm for bootcamp! darn it) I had another one of my crazy dreams. I was inside a house with four friends, we hear this growing sound getting louder and louder. As we look out the window, there's thousands of helicopters flying above us. All in one direction. Like a swarm of thousands! All different colors, shapes, types, sizes...A lot of them very colorful. And so I looked it up when I got into work. And this is what I found...

Helicopter
To see a helicopter in your dream, represents your ambition and achievements. You are in full pursuit of your goals. Alternatively, you may be experiencing a higher level of consciousness, new-found freedom and greater awareness.

Hmmm...Awesome!

Inspired by...Dr. Horrible!

2008-11-08T09:36:00.000-08:00

So my BFF from NYC sent me this viral video...with acute bronchitis & 3 hours of "resting" time before I head out to the closing night of my own Musical (Love in the Time of Breast Cancer)...it was exactly what I needed. Thank, Em!

It's 45 minutes, but SOOOO worth your time:

It's Official....and inspiring...

2008-11-07T16:15:00.000-08:00

America has elected it's first Hawaiian born/Black-American President...Barack Obama!

The feelings of hope and inspiration overwhelmed me as I sat on my couch that evening, thanking God for all the people that came out to vote that day. Showing the masses that Love does overcome Fear, that Hope does overcome Terror & that Change does overcome Stagnation & Decay!

As someone said:

"Rosa sat so that Martin could walk...
Martin walked so that Obama could run...
Obama is running so we all can fly!"

With that said, "YES WE CAN!!!"

Oh and on another INSPIRATIONAL note, another thing became official that week... which I feel is equally blog worthy...I officially got to open for Dave Chappelle at the SF Punchline!!!! As some of you know, I landed a 5 minute guest spot for him this past June. But last week I got a whole 10 minute opening spot...meaning it was just me and Dave on stage that night.

Dave is a really stand-up guy. I wrote more on the subject on my Myspace Comedy Page (www.myspace.com/spiderpig07707). But here's one of the pics we took that week:

I'm a PRODUCER..."I produce dreams, baby!"

2008-11-07T15:57:00.000-08:00

So it has been a very long and bumpy road to the opening night of the musical "Love in the Time of Breast Cancer". Exactly a year ago, Maggie Suarez & I had this brilliant idea of doing a musical written by women, directed by women, acted by women...that would inspire women.

Little did we know the drama filled road ahead of us! From day one we experienced drama with past cast mates, to fighting for funding, to finding the perfect team of talented/committed artists, to finding a venue, to personal life drama...there were plenty of times we both wanted to say "forget it". But we didn't! We stuck through it all...And reminded each other, "Just wait until opening night!"

And that night finally came! Last night was our OPENING night. And as the cast came out for curtain call and the crowd came to their feet with applause and jubilation, all Maggie and I could do was laugh! From sheer exhaustion and appreciation that the long road to that moment was over!!! We finally accomplished what we set out to do. And it was beautiful.

This morning I found an article online about our little musical that could...in Asian Week. There were many times in my life that I've been proud of my accomplishments, but this moment is one of the few that makes me SUPER proud of what I can accomplish with just faith, support (from my team/community) & my dope ass hustlin' skills!

Read the article here:

Not the Usual Song and Dance: New musical raises breast cancer awareness in the APA community

SAN FRANCISCO — October, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, has come and gone, but everyone must continue to shine a spotlight on the disease to overcome it, especially Asian Americans. While the incidence of breast cancer among APAs is generally lower than among most other ethnic groups, recent studies have shown that they are also rising the fastest.

Breast cancer awareness is the goal of the new original musical, Love in the Time of Breast Cancer, presented by Pinays Maintaining Sisterhood Through Art in conjunction with the South of Market Health Center, playing through Nov. 8 at the Off Market Theater in San Francisco.

Written by Gayle Romasanta and directed by Fides Enriquez, the production is both funny and inspiring, and meant to encourage every woman to be the “author of her own story.”

The show follows the story of a breast cancer survivor and her journey to live life to the fullest in the aftermath of the devastating disease. It is filled with music and movement pieces, complete with dancers costumed in chemotherapy outfits along with both normal and cancer cells.

Nicole M. Villanueva, the show’s co-producer, emphasized its relevance to Asian American women.

“This musical is especially important because of the rising rates of Asian American women diagnosed with breast cancer today,” she says.

According to the American Cancer Society, cancer is the leading cause of death in the Asian American community, and in fact breast cancer is the number one cause of cancer mortality among Filipino American women.

“That is why 90 percent of our cast and crew is in fact Filipino American,” Villanueva said. “From our lead actress, our writer, our composer and our director, down to our light operator and box office volunteer, we are a group of talented Filipino American artists giving our time and talent to such a worthwhile cause.”

The music was composed by Brandon Bigelow with musical performances by Esperanza Catubig, Roberto Divina, Giovannie Espiritu, Michael Dorado and Stephanie Sampang.

Pinays Maintaining Sisterhood Through Art aims to inspire women to have the courage to break through belief patterns and societal conditioning that has traditionally left them unable to realize their full potential. The group uses creative productions in hopes of changing the biases against Filipina American women and creating an avenue for open dialogue among Filipinas.

Love in the Time of Breast Cancer, Nov. 7-8, 8 p.m. (special matinee performance Nov. 8 at
2 p.m.), Off Market Theater, 965 Mission St., San Francisco. Tickets are $20 ($15 for seniors/students) at Brownpapertickets.com.

Life Lessons, Breakin' Boxes & Producing Art!

2008-09-16T11:55:00.000-07:00

So on this journey of self-love and personal growth...I've learned some key lessons:

1) Question the current beliefs and patterns I currently own...if they no longer suit me or are ingrained with fear, let them go! Especially ones that were inherited by my parents, society, peers & religion. This rings especially true since I've started producing the musical, "Love in the Time of Breast Cancer" (Original & NEW!) and since I've opened myself to the possibility of love again.

2) It's no one's business but your own! Whether it's your health, love life, family, work, etc. You can ask a million people their opinions but ultimately, the only one that matters is yours! Validation is a slippery slope...and with the age of Myspace/Facebook/Friendster (who the hell Friendster's anymore?), people are in search of constant validation. I've been guilty of this in several instances...but yet again, as Russel Peters noted to me last month: "Just do you!"

3) In conjunction with that...don't let people tell you what you can and CAN'T do! Since I've started stand-up, people will easily chime in about what I should and shouldn't be doing with my comedic career. And as I appreciate the advice, I'm not JUST a stand-up comic...I'm a producer, an actress, a writer, a director...an ARTIST. So if I feel that my focus right now should be on the art form of producing a musical...then that's where my focus is going to be. I think it's hard for others to understand that artists can be multi-faceted and organized. And for what I want to accomplish in this lifetime...that brings me to my next life lesson:

4) I'm where I'm supposed to be!

Listening to: "Feelin' Good" by Michael Buble

Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good, I'm feeling good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when the day is done
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me, for me

Stars when you shine
You know how I feel
Scent of the pine
You know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me

And I'm feeling good
I'm feeling good
I feel so good

Get Cha Mail Order Slaves! (Sponsored by Lombardi Sports & Google Ads)

2008-06-25T15:20:00.001-07:00

There are three incidents of mail order brides being killed in the US over the past decade.

In September 2003, 26-year-old Ukrainian engineer and mail-order bride Alla Barney bled to death on the floor of her car after her American husband Lester Barney, 58, slashed her throat in front of the couple's four-year-old son, Daniel. Lester fled with Daniel from the scene in the parking lot of the boy's daycare center, but after an Amber Alert was triggered, he turned Daniel over to a friend and was himself taken into custody by police. Alla had been granted a restraining order against Lester a few months before and had been given temporary custody of Daniel.

Susanna Blackwell met her husband through an international marriage broker called Asian Encounters and left the Philippines to settle with him in Washington state in 1994. The husband, Timothy Blackwell, physically abused Susanna, including one incident in which he choked her the day after their wedding. Susanna reported the abuse to the police and obtained a protection order against him. While awaiting divorce/annulment proceedings in a Seattle courtroom many months later, Susanna and two of her friends were shot dead. Blackwell was convicted of murdering all three women.

Anastasia King, a young woman from Kyrgyzstan, was found strangled to death and buried in a shallow grave in Washington state in December 2000. At the age of 18, Anastasia had received an email from a 38-year-old Seattle man, Indle King, from a mail order bride website. He flew to her country and they were married soon after. Two years later, after considerable strife, Indle wanted another bride. He was allegedly unwilling to pay for a divorce so he ordered a tenant in their Washington home to kill Anastasia. Weighing nearly 300 pounds, her husband pinned Anastasia down while the tenant strangled her with a necktie. Both were convicted of murder. King's previous wife, whom he had also met through an IMB, had a domestic violence protection order issued against him and left him because he was abusive.

Maxali Manifests Dreams...with the help of Dave Chappelle!

2008-06-25T15:00:00.000-07:00

So one of my dreams came true last week: I landed not just one BUT three guest spots at the SF Punchline for comedic genius, Dave Chappelle!

It was an AMAZING experience. And I do feel blessed to have been asked by the man himself! And even more blessed to be able to talk and hang with him during the shows. He said a lot of things I needed to hear so early on in my comedic career. One being that "starting in stand-up is the hardest thing a person can do" And to "just have fun up there". I learned a lot last week!

"I took a risk with Nicole, not having seen her set before...But she did good."
- Dave Chappelle 6/11/08 @ The SF Punchline

Thanks for taking that risk on me, Dave! And Thanks DH (Dave's Homie) for vouching for me and my peeps that week!

Green Graffiti

2008-06-25T14:59:00.000-07:00

Only in San Francisco! This is dope:

Read more here:
http://www.inhabitat.com/2008/06/18/reverse-graffiti-san-francisco/

I miss IMPROV!

2007-11-28T10:27:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite forms of acting has got to be Improv...Why do I enjoy it so much? Cuz it's when you don't let your mind take over and you just go with the flow of things and let the first impulse that pops outta your imagination lead you to a scene.

This past year, I've been blessed to be apart of an Improv Troupe founded by Playback Theater Champ, Jason Agar! Jason is a down ass dude that has a huge heart and a free spirit (and on certain days resembles a freindly elf like creature).

This time last year I signed up for a Playback Theater Workshop, not knowing what was in store. But after a couple of weeks of rehearsing (or "playing" as we like to call it) we got on stage and performed as Pinoy Playback Theater. It was the most fun I've ever had on stage (acting wise). And now I really miss it. I miss giving back to an audience in an artform so freeing & so positive!

Not that stand-up isn't giving back to a crowd of strangers, but stand-up is more about my opinions/views on the world or the stories I have. Playback is almost the opposite of that.

For those still confused, here's a brief definition of Playback Theater:

"Playback Theatre is created through a unique collaboration between performers and audience. Someone tells a story or moment from their life, chooses actors to play the different roles, then watches as their story is immediately recreated and given artistic shape and coherence.

Playback Theatre creates a ritual space where any story - however ordinary, extraordinary, hidden or difficult - might be told, and immediately made into theatre. And where each person's uniqueness is honoured and affirmed while at the same time building and strengthening our connections to each other as a community of people. "

August 2007: I-Hotel Pinoy Playback Performance for Kearny Street Workshop's APAture. Fluid Sculpture in motion.

Boot Camp, Sobriety & Gettin My Grown Woman On!

2007-11-28T10:10:00.001-08:00

Current mood: awake

So as 2007 comes to a close, so is the era of temporary pleasures and drunken dreams. For the past 3 years, I've been wanting to get my shit straight. I know what your thinking, "But Miss Maxali, I though you shit was already straight!". Well as compared to crack addicts and serial killers…yes it is. But as compared to what I will eventually manifest for my life, no it's not. I finally realize that if I want to accomplish all the things I say I will (Make movies, win my Oscar, Get paid for creating art)…I've got to make room in my life. I've got to give up old patterns that don't suit me anymore and "get my grown woman on". How, you say?

• With over a dozen attempts to cut down on drinking in the past 3 years, I've finally did it. It's been two whole months since my last alcoholic beverage. I won't say that it's NOT tempting when I go out or go to dinner with friends…but it's much easier now that my focus is back. And I know it's a choice every time that temptation is there…it's a choice every time I go out or every time it's around me. It's even made me rethink the party scene. As depressing as it is…bars/clubs are just not fun with out alcohol. Which shouldn't be the case…but after 13 years of binge drinking my way through the bump of the bass, flashy décor & the "peacocks"…I've finally realized that clubs will never be the same fun as before I started drinking. BOO!

• So in that respect, I've also cut down on my "party party dancing dancing" time. And stepped up my "write some shit" or "read some good shit" time. Which is fine with me. But it is ironic since most of my good friends who weren't really into parties are all of a sudden into the party scene & want me to partake. But my response is usually "Why can't we just hang out & kick it some place that's NOT a club?"

• After a year of sitting on my ass and making up excuses why I just don't have time to exercise, I signed up for Boot Camp. The typical question I get asked when I mention Boot Camp is "You joined the army?" or "What's Boot Camp?" To clarify, I DID NOT (Nor will I ever) join the armed forces…f*ck that! Boot Camp is an exercise program a friend suggested when I said I needed to lose my muffin top. And yes, after a year of NOT working out…Miss Maxali is an owner of a gluttonous muffin top. Yikes! So after 4 days a week, for 4 weeks of Boot Camp & eating healthy…don't be surprised if you see me bringing back cut off shirts, L.A. Gear kicks and headbands.

• Then there's my Spiritual Health…which I would say 85% of the population don't feel the need to keep up. But for me…even growing up as a kid, I knew the importance of it. So as an adult I see the even greater importance of keeping it up, just as you would with any other aspect of yourself. And don't get it twisted, I don't mean man made Religion. I'm talking about a personal relationship with God, Goddess, The Universe, Great Creator, Jesus, Brahman, etc (whatever you wanna call it). So I'm reading books like The Artist's Way, The Secret, The Power of Now. And going back to church & fellowship (And although I don't believe 100% of what Christianity preaches, I'm mostly there for the community & worship aspect of it).

• Self-Love: It's taken me 27 years to finally realize how important loving yourself is. I'm not talking about waking up in the morning and kissing your biceps and thinking "damn, I look f*ckin good!" No, I'm talking about looking at who you are as a person, a spirit in human form, a piece of the universal collective & thinking "with all the shit I've done, mistakes I've made…I really love myself". And not looking for that love in empty places. Not looking for that love in other people, hoping they can validate your worth. Cuz ultimately, no one can love you like you love yourself.

All in all…it feels good to finally WANT to take care of my body & myself. To not only have dreams and goals, but to have the focus & control to drop all the unnecessary shit and go for it!

New Found Love For....The Single Life!

2007-09-25T12:18:00.001-07:00

Yes, my fellow bloggers/Maxali inquisitors: I AM SINGLE & loving it!

Maybe it's 1/2 my hormones (ahhh, PMS...the ultimate Love/Hate relationship) or 1/2 my relization that personal growth sometimes requires the time alone...the time to be with yourself to reflect on who you really are...deep down inside when no one is looking. Not the person that other people think you are or the person society wants you to be...BUT YOU!

So on the road to finding & re-defining myself...I felt the need to be alone...to explore, to prioritize and to just have fun without having to answer to anyone but myself...

And that ladies & gents is my new found love for...the single life! YEEEEE!

A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity...

2007-09-25T11:59:00.000-07:00

Q: Why haven't you written any blogs in such a long time, Miss Maxali?

NM: Well, I'm glad you asked...For the past month, beginning on September 4th...I've been rediscovering my creativity. Taking time out to write daily, my private thoughts/fears/aspirations/manifestations/opinions/ideas/foolishness/venting sessions/art

Q: HOW have you been "rediscovering" your creativity?

NM: Well, through my own spirituality and by reading "The Artists Way" by Julia Cameron.

Q: What's the "Artists Way"?

NM: Not to shamelessly plug the book...but more to give you an insight on how you too can rediscover those lost dreams. Or unleash your own creativity...

"The Artist's Way is the seminal book on the subject of creativity. An international bestseller, millions of readers have found it to be an invaluable guide to living the artist's life. Still as vital today-or perhaps even more so-than it was when it was first published one decade ago, it is a powerfully provocative and inspiring work. In a new introduction to the book, Julia Cameron reflects upon the impact of The Artist's Way and describes the work she has done during the last decade and the new insights into the creative process that she has gained. Updated and expanded, this anniversary edition reframes The Artist's Way for a new century."

Yes, so for a month now, I've dedicated myself to this 12 week program...or a 12 week process to allowing myself to create on a higher level.

NM: Here's a cheesey testimonial for ya'll...Just within one month of starting this process, I've been able to manifest:

1) A kick-ass IMPROV performance at this year's APATure: Pinoy Playback Theater

2) Produce my first Short Film: Simila-Shun Directed by Jeannie Barroga

3) Book my first Stand-Up Comedy Show: Bacio Cafe in San Mateo on October 4th

4) Write everyday!

Now with just one month into this process...just think what I can manifest in 12 weeks? I think the world will never be the same.

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

- Albert Einstein

Philippines in a CONCHshell...

2007-08-08T01:34:00.000-07:00

Philippines in a Conchshell...
Current mood: grateful

Before leaving for the Philippines, my friends and roomies warned me about the poverty, the corruption, the lack of "simple pleasures". So I was prepared for no running water, no indoor/outdoor plumbing, mosquito attacks and as my mother calls "roughin it".

My cousin Sherelle wrote about her P.I. experience as giving her more appreciation of having what most Filipinos lack:

"man, so, if you ever want to believe that your life sucks, go to the philippines, shower in the dark, flush your toilet with a bucket of water, sleep in a hut made of bamboo. try making less than $3.00 and day and feed your children. sleep on bed frames with a woven guitar strings as a mattress, try walking on a dirt floor inside your home, wash all your clothes by hand, try only being able to afford shampoo and conditioner in individual sample packs, because a whole bottle is too expensive. and pray that you don't get sick because if you do, your idea of good medical treatment will be a six hour boat ride away, and you may not be able to afford that."

But as for me, Coming back from my motherland (Dipolog, Mindanao, Philippines)...I have more of an appreciation for my grandparents. Each one of them had dreams in their eyes of a better life, worked their asses off, went through the worst of racism, raised their kids in America and ultimately acheived that dream.

My Mother's Father, Canuto Salaver, came from the poorest of the poor. But because he was so intent on making a better life, he snuck his way onto a boat (yes, in this day of age...he would be considered an illegal alien) and without knowing anyone in America, made his way to California. Not only did he find work, but he also hussled his way into an American High School just to learn English. After that he made a name for himself here in San Francisco and owned the Very FIRST Filipino restuarant at the International Hotel, Called Mabuhay Gardens.

My Father's Mother, Encar Go, also dreamed for a better life. She came from a small province in Eastern Samar. She also didn't have an education past high school. But at the age of 23, she met & married my Grandpa, Marmerto Villanueva, because "he worked for the Navy & had his greencard". To most Americans, something like that is looked down on...but if you have nothing, you'll do something to make it happen. And back in the 50's, women didn't have choices like they do now (like working overseas as a nurse).

Don't get me wrong, like my cousin I do appreciate my American Life. But what I appreciate more after my trip to the Philippines are my ancestors, my grandparents and my culture. Cuz while I'm an American girl (YES, I still can't speak or understand Visayan) I still have my Filipino culture and traditions intact.

It feels good to not only know my family history...but to be proud of it too. Growing up, I knew about my grandparents struggles...but I wasn't as proud as I am today of what hard times they overcame just to give me what I have today.

Hot Lunch Comedy Show: Recap

2007-07-07T11:02:00.000-07:00

insert witty and insightful recap here

A New Found Love for....printed hoodies

2007-05-30T12:56:00.000-07:00

IS that Miss Hilton?! don't break your teeth in jail, parhissss!
I love pink!

So lately, I've been addicted to graphic hoodies...especially ones that are cleverly designed. Where do I get all these goodies? And more urban gear?

Well, Click on this link...and you can get 20% off bags, shirts, shoes, jeans, hoodies (as seen above):

http://www.karmaloop.com/index.asp?rcode=NA13028

When it asks for a REP Code, enter this in the box: NA13028

Keep on Shinin'

2007-05-21T14:12:00.000-07:00

"Let your light so shine before man, that they may see your good works & glorify your father in heaven"

Matthew 5:16

AND The most amazing quote on the subject of shining (as I first heard from the movie, Akeelah & the Bee and was also spoken by Nelson Mandela @ his 1994 Inaugural Speech, but written by Marianne Williamson):

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you NOT to be?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the World.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

-Marianne Williamson

A New Found Love for...Watercolors

2007-05-21T13:58:00.000-07:00

Female Artist: Stina Persson (http://www.stinapersson.com/)

Stina Persson has lived, studied and worked in Tokyo, New York, Florence and Lund, Sweden, where she was born. She says her illustration style is basically about "finding the right balance between the edgy and the elegant the raw and the beautiful." To achieve this, she uses ink, watercolor and gouache, as well as Mexican cut paper (used at ceremonies and festivals).

I love her use of watercolors. Brings a very modern feel to this art form. Growing up, as a daughter of an artist...my father was always forcing me to take up painting. Although my hands could never pick it up, my heart always kept room for the medium! I also love the way she paints her "girls" ...their sooo sexy, very elegant and portrayed like Lions: STRONG & Fierce!

Web Surfing Credit goes to: http://www.flygirls.typepad.com/

To Myspace Or Not to Myspace? That is the Question!

2007-05-18T13:09:00.001-07:00

So since my 4 month withdrawal from the "please-validate-me-and-My-space" community...my life has become much more focused. And surprisingly...I haven't missed it all that much.

But now that i'm commiting myself to Stand up Comedy/Acting/Writing...and possibly some more producing & much later in life, directing...I'm contemplating getting back in with a NEW Comedy/Film profile. any thoughts?

Side Note: My REAL friends are AWESOME! oh and F*ck Petroleum! Werd!

Sooo COOL it Hurts: Miss Maxali & Bobby Drake

Caterpillars & ChickFlicks on Steroids

2007-05-12T20:50:00.000-07:00

Listening to: On My Own Time [Write On!] by Gym Class Heroes

What’s funny about manifesting? While underneath it all, you know YOU attracted certain things into your life …it was just a matter of time before the Universe would deliver. But on the otherhand…the exciting part is actually experiencing what you manifested and witnessing how AWESOME the Universe (& God) is. And how grand the things you receive truly are.

At the beginning of this year, I put out in the Universe that I wanted to spend more time with family…and after my hard work with the Vagina Monologues & the Women’s show…I really just wanted a weekend to myself to go to LA and spend time with friends. I got everything I asked for & MORE!!!!

Here's my weekend in a montage of visual memories:

Mahal & Lake: You can't see it, but they both have caterpillars on their hands!
Giddy UP!
Banging away at Renee's Piano
The cutest lil Oatmeal lover I know!
Topanga Canyon = So serene
Maya, Lake & Mahal...jumpin on the largest Trampolene ever!
My first take buddies: David & Jeff
Crazy cousins: Vivi & Tang (Happy B-day, Tang!)
The Foundation Room (House of Blues)
"Before they were stars!": Kristen, Jeff & Miss Maxali

My fav Godsister/Ate/Silly Cousin: Maya

Never stop dreaming...because what you dream = what you create, what you manifest, and what you achieve!

IT’s simply amazing how generous the Universe is…and how much God really wants to give you more then your heart could ever desire. Thank you God, the Universe, and myself for trusting in the process…and accepting what’s deserved after working soooo hard for 3 months on V Monologues & the Women’s show. Like Judith said “I deserved it”.

YAY AREA....like that!

2007-04-11T23:00:00.000-07:00

expanding the possibilities on a DAILY!

2007-03-22T16:35:00.000-07:00

“The thing about performance, even if it's only an illusion, is that it is a celebration of the fact that we do contain within ourselves infinite possibilities.”
-SydneySmith

This was sent to me in an e-mail by a fellow cast mate of the Bindlestiff Women's show 2007.

She's awesome...and so is that quote. It sums up one of the many reasons why I chose to perform as opposed to sit on my ass and do NOTHING!

Because in life, the possibilities are endless...people need to wake up and realize: You don't have to be stuck in that job, in that relationship, in debt, in hunger, in sadness, in hate, in society's box of normalcy. No, you can have whatever you wish...

Don't believe me? Watch the doc, "The Secret" or "What the Bleep Do We Know"!

you know what I feel like watching?

2007-03-19T16:32:00.000-07:00

"The NeverEnding Story"! I have no idea why, it's just something about oldskool 80's fantasy movies that seem so calming right now. hmmmm, puts a smile on my face!

In honor of MARCH: National Women's History Month

2007-03-07T12:17:00.000-08:00

"Whats up with all the conditions? Why are women so demanding? You're such a Bitch!"

Wow, can you believe the stupid things that come out of men's mouths?

Don't worry.... this won't be a typical Man-Hating rant. No this is more a product of a good 19 minutes of shedding off negative energy. Inspired by the ignorance the majority of men today in my generation have. And the way they think they can just disrespect us women.

So when men ask me questions such as these (example: Dang, why are you so uptight?) What I really hear is...Why do women deserve those conditions, those demands, and....my respect?

I'm sick of having to explain myself...but to honor the women that came before me...and for those girls growing into womenhood...let me spell it out for you:

Because honey, not matter how much the world would like to think everything is fair nowadays...it's not.

Because for the past 100 years conditions for us have been unfair and down right shitty!

Because some of us have finally seen the light. And have come to realize that as women we are ...not dumb...not stupid...not inferior!

Because in this new generation of women, we're looking out for ourselves (not our boyfriends, not our bosses, or our husbands).

Because in looking out for ourselves, we're not going to submissively ask politely anymore.

Because we're not going to wait around and hope you'll notice the things we deserve.

Because you won't. You know why?

Because you're too busy looking out for yourself too. Which...

Because you're a man...it's "okay" to look our for just yourself.

Because when you look out for yourself...it's not seen as being selfish or "diva-ish"...It's seen as being a MAN. Being assertive. And knowing what you want!

SO, I know you want to view us "demanding" women & judge us as bitches or "divas" or what ever pathetic jab you think of. But let me tell you...without us strong women, you'd be motherless, hopeless, and even more less of a man then you are today.

Because (and what pisses me off the most) if I was born with the same equipment you were endowed with...you wouldn't feel the need to ask me those questions in the first place or make those quick judgments about me. You'd blindly accept me the way I was and actually take notice that I was an assertive and straight-forward guy.

So don't come at me with "You're too demanding" or "why all the conditions?"

Because unlike you, I'm strong enough to be who I am and NOT make excuses or worse...apologize for who I am! We women are the way we are, the way our past has built us...STRONG-intelligent-take-no-shit-from-anybody-kick-ass women!

and you better NOT respond to this with a "You go girl"!

Still in bed....can't sleep

2007-02-27T22:55:00.000-08:00

Can't sleep. Should Sleep. Still Sick. Blah!

It's the head cold that won't stop. Tried to go into work today...got 30 min. of work done, then had a 2 hour conference call. The whole time I'm thinking "my head feel like it's going to explode or that it already did & I'm left with the remains of that nuclear explosion" also thinking "concentrate on what the fuck is goin on in this call...you'll be tested later, moron!"

After that excrutiating call, I called it quits. Went home. Probably got everyone in the office sick. :P

One good thing that came out of today...Dad came by to drop off a care package of:

Food: Mexican
Oranges
Tea: Mint Magic (with a unicorn on the box! Cool!)
Meds
Chicken Soup
Tortillas
and Monterey Jack Cheese

He said, he got the last two items so I can make quesedillas. Daddy's the best! He still remembers what my favorite cheese was growing up as a kid. And the Unicorn on the tea box...nice touch. He really knows how to make me feel better. I'm blessed.

Screw what people say! I'll ALWAYS be Daddy's lil girl!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

2007-02-26T18:50:00.000-08:00

Current Mood: Aggravated

Is it soo hard to have a boyfriend that will drop everything to come and take care of you when you're sick?

Things to manifest today:

Vietnamese Soup with extra Hot Sauce
Sponge Cake for dessert
Cough Drops
Cold Medecine
Heroes (past 2 weeks episodes)
LOVE
& Someone to give me these things while I'm stuck in bed feeling HORRIBLE

When I want it:
NOW!!!

enlightened thought of the day:
Being sick makes me needy & crabby...oh and Vietnamese Soup is good for colds

"Calling in Sick"...AGAIN!

2007-02-26T16:17:00.000-08:00

Currently listening to: The Skyflakes "Calling in Sick"

"Hit the snooze and sleep I'm calling in sick
Fake my cough and smile I'm calling in sick
Lay here for a while and make up my mind
Lick my tabs it's time to go on a trip"

So after an 8 hour day of rehearsals (Bindlestiff's Women's Show & Vagina Monologues Rehearsal)...I went home drained, exhausted, nose stuffed, and head a bit feverish. I always know when I'm coming down with something when my eyes feel like hot coals.

Last night, I lay in bed half asleep/half conscience...watching the A-listers, the Big Shots, and the Underdogs decked out in designer gowns and penguin suits..aka the 79th Academy Awards. I usually don't watch the ceremony. My attention span is limited to who's wearing who/what and then the end of the night: the re-caps and the big party coverage.

But because I was on the brink of a cold...I managed to nap inbetween important awards, Ellen's witty & hilrious hosting skills/celeb banter, & some what entertaining commercials. (Sidenote: Ellen & I share the same b-day: Jan. 26th!)

As the last three awards were being handed out...I awoke to Forest's hearfelt speech. As he spoke...i started to get chills. I was watching another actor take the words right out of my journal. His acceptance speech word for word is as follows:

“Thank you. Thank you. Just a second, just a second. OK. Take it (in).

OK. I wrote something down, because I thought if it would happen that I would be a little overwhelmed and I am. So, OK.

When I was a kid, the only way that I saw movies was from the backseat of my family's car. At the drive-in. And, it wasn't my reality to think I would be acting in movies, so receiving this honor tonight tells me that it's possible. It is possible for a kid from east Texas, raised in South Central L.A. in Carson, who believes in his dreams, commits himself to them with his heart, to touch them, and to have them happen.

Because when I first started acting, it was because of my desire to connect to everyone. To that thing inside each of us. That light that I believe exists in all of us. Because acting for me is about believing in that connection and it's a connection so strong, it's a connection so deep, that we feel it. And through our combined belief, we can create a new reality.

So I want to thank my fellow believers in The Last King of Scotland. I want to thank Peter, Jeremy, Andrea, Lisa, Charles, Kevin, James McAvoy, Kerry, Stephen, Fox, DNA, Channel Four. I want to thank the people of Uganda, who helped this film have a spirit. And finally, I want to thank my mom and my dad. I want to thank my wife Keisha, my children, my ancestors, who continue to guide my steps. And God, God who believes in us all. And who's given me this moment, in this lifetime, that I will hopefully carry to the end of my lifetime into the next lifetime. Thank you.”

I know you don't believe me. You're reading this entry and sayin..."no way". So, to end your skeptism... This is an excerpt from my Spiritual Journal...a journal I've kept since 2003:

"I cut this out of Blackbook Magazine. WHY? Because it's a reminder that everyone in this Universe is connected (whether we realize it or not) to each other and God. This picture is how I envision God sees us, great points of LIGHT, all connected to each other, all beautiful (no matter what "sins" we've commited), and all glorious together."

The picture i was talking about in my journal is a piece done by artist, Angie Drakopoulous:

Another piece of his speech that struck a chord in me, was his appreciation to his ancestors. Ever since I was a teenager, I knew the importance of my ancestors. I think it's something ingrained into the Filipino-American culture. To always appreciate the family that came before you. To understand and give gratitude for the sacrifices they gave to make your life what it is today. Without them, I wouldn't be here.

And after my last grandpa passed away in 2003, I felt something. Like Voltron: Protector of the Universe! (ok, this is a geeky analogy, but on point nonetheless)

When my grandpa passed on to the other side, It was like Voltron must feel when each of the five Lions come together to create him/her. It was as if his soul infused with all my ancestors to guide and protect me. (To Western Christians, it's like the belief in Angels). I felt like I had another ally on my side. To help me along my God-Given path. One that would help look out for me. An ally that had my back! I feel this and I appreciate my ancestors.

Forest stated in an interview, "I wasn't sure what was going to happen tonight but I thought something magical was going to happen," Whitaker said backstage after receiving the award. "Because I could feel the breath on my neck and the tingling on my body. For me it is like my ancestors speaking to me and they are saying to me, 'We are with you.'"

And like Forest Whitaker, I too started to act, not for fame or money, but because I wanted to give something back to this world. To give to my audience. To share with an audience a piece of me. To wake up audiences around the world through my art. To be a vessel that gives a voice to others that don't have a chance to tell their stories. To in turn change the world positively. And I feel I can do that in my acting, writing, and comedic delivery.

And just like Mr. Whitaker...Someday when the Universe is ready and with help from God & my ancestors, i too will win an Oscar. No, not for Best Actress or even for Best Supporting Actress...But for Best Original Screenplay! :)

Dang, not only is he a BLessed soul with great intentions...but he also has a HOT wife

To watch his full acceptance speech, cut & paste this link into your browser:

http://www.firstshowing.net/2007/02/26/forest-whitakers-acceptance-speech/

My Support System...

2007-02-23T12:34:00.000-08:00

My shining STAR: Grandma Estrella (RIP)

The one I can thank for sacrificing so much: Grandma Encar!

No, this isn't my sister: It's my MOM!

The Dynamic Duo: Daddyand my Stepmom (Mama Luv)

Who I look like...

2007-02-16T09:40:00.000-08:00

A Mayan reading of my birthday

2007-02-12T13:25:00.000-08:00

White Lunar Mirror

Tone 2: Lunar - Relationships & Polarity

White Mirror is your Conscious Self - who you are and who you are becoming.
White Mirror represents the Hall of Mirrors, where you can face your own reflection and see the truth about yourself. As a mirror, White Mirror merely reflects what is, whether truth, beauty or illusion. Here you can face unfinished business, the dissonance of difficulties, or charged issues that would keep you from the full expression of your Divinity. Become aware of any illusions or distortions within yourself; your clarity of perception will transform them. Take a moment to see yourself as you actually are, shadow and all, freed from the maze of mental illusion.Sometimes you may find yourself reacting rather than freely responding to a situation or person. If you have charged reactions such as frustration, anger, fear, judgement or jealousy, look at how you might be projecting these issues onto someone else. The world is the mirror for you to truly see. Any strong reaction to a person or event signals an issue to work on in yourself. Be willing to examine and utilize what you see in your mirrors, in order to transform dysfunctional belief systems, negative thoughtforms, and fixed patterns.In the Hall of Mirrors there is no good or bad, no right or wrong - there is only the reflection of what is. As you learn to see yourself, you begin to see your emotional reactions as signs indicating where to focus your awareness for growth.On this quest, come prepared to face White Mirror's sword of truth and purification. The wisdom of this sword penetrates, exposes, and ultimately heals your illusions. Discrimination is tempered with love cleanly cuts away everything that does not serve your evolution. To the Maya, White Mirror is the flint that hones your sword.The greatest gift of the sword is the power of forgiveness. A profound freedom emerges from forgiveness, the releasing of the illusion of cause and effect. Use the great gifts offered in this blad of truth and light to forgive and release anything you may judge or see as imperfect.You are already an Enlightened Being!
The colour for White Mirror is reflective silver. Silver symbolizes the lunar intelligence of intuition and receptiveness, the mirrored illusions of duality and multiplicity. In the larger pattern, all thigns are reflections of the greater reality. Silver offers a glimpse of the Great Mystery, the reflection of things as they really are. To access the qualities and teachings of White Mirror, utilize silver.White Mirror's are able to clearly reflect others back to themselves once their own mirror is clear.

White Dog is your Higher Self & Guide.
One of the gifts of White Dog is the calling in and recognition of other companions of destiny. Other beings with the same longing are waiting to meet and acknowledge you - beings who can see you as you authrentically are. When you have truly been seen, you feel empowered, and remembrance of a shared sacred trust is ignited. This is a natural process, divinely designed for recognition through vibrational affinity, freed from personal expectations.White Dog can be seen as an access point for developing relationships with guides, totems, allies and guardians. There are many ways to work with these spiritual guides, including guided visualizations, shamanic journeys, and meditation. A useful construct is viewing them as aspects of yourself, part of your life stream that is asking to be integrated. Remember, there is no 'other'. In this grand adventure, you are being asked to embody all that you are.Profound insights are garnered through shared purpose and relationship with others who are willing to be in their truth and integrity about the light and shadow aspects they perceive in themselves.Similarly, intimate relationships can be viewed as unique opportunities to bring forward in each other deep emotional patterns to be transformed. In this case, those you have drawn to you hold the ability to assist you in your own integration as well. There are no mistakes. Be willing to look deeply into the truth held within any relationship. The expression of intimacy is a gift of love; the lack of it may be a symptom asking for honest communication and healing. It may also be guiding you to reevaluate your relationship and the purpose it is serving.
White Dog signals a breakthrough in your life: new beginnings, new perceptions, new allies and friends. As you express more authentically who you are, you draw your true family closer to you.With your guides and companions, you have the ability to manifest your inspired visions and dreams. Recognize the eyes and hearts that spark the remembrance of a sacred trust.The Harmonic Wisdom of White Dog is affinity, the attraction of like vibrations or substances for one another.

Blue Night is your Subconscious Self and Hidden Helper.
Blue night is the dark mystery within, the journey into self, that place to which you can always retreat to garner the gifts of your process subjectively. You are being asked to enter into and explore your process subjectively. Blue Night is the immense field of potential found in the depths of human emotion and feeling. The touch of Blue Night is like the moment you crawl into bed and feel yourself surrounded by warmth, darkness and peace.Blue Night's abyss holds the potent evolutionary playing field of all possibility. Here, as in the aboriginal dreamtime, there are no distinctions between then and now, real or imagined, dream or dreamer. In this expanded field, all things are not only possible but are constantly in the process of creation. In the framework of dreamtime, limiting constructs of "ordinary reality" such as time, space, and linear causality are freed into an expanded system, with unlimited access to ALL realities.Dreamtime holds powerful opportunities. It is a field where potential, past, and future are held in the same matrix as the present moment. If such a construct is foreign to you, stretch your mind and entertain the possibility that you could help to dream a different reality into being. Enter into the mystery where reality is actually created.In becoming a conscious dreamer, you can assist in literally creating a new reality for yourself, as well as constributing to the larger dream that is emerging. By focusing on this creation, your thoughts and intentions are projected at superluminal speeds across the crystal grid network that encompasses universes. This energetic field seeds, supports, and empowers the creation of an unfolding reality.At a certain point, when a critical threshold of energy has been focused on a clear intent such as world peace, the underlying constructs of reality shift and a new reality begins filtering into human experience. Make no mistake: great change is seeded by conscious dreamers who understand and know that they are co-creating the larger dream.Among other things, the dreamfield will bring to the surface your psychological polarities and core issues. These are the belief constructs you learn from society and experience, such as likes and dislikes, values and attitudes. You naturally attract the situation that promises integration, but through conditioning and habitual behaviour, you may choose to compensate, staying in a fixed pattern to protect your position. This choice will create only momentary relief, because the issues will keep being drawn back to be integrated. Thus, you may often find whatever is blocked or hidden manifesting into your consciousness through a dream, a body symptom, or a relationship. Often you may resist the new and the unknown. You may avoid going over your "growth edge", because it may be asking for a shift in your underlying belief structures. Yet profound growth is possible through working with this charged material. Through following it into the darkness, you bring into the dreamfield the light that will carry you to wholeness and fulfillment.In working with the growth edge in your dreamfield, often it is important to catalyze enough energy to free the stuckness and fixed patterns. By following or amplifying the feeling, your increased awareness will lead to the root of the issue thas has been separated from consciousness. Hidden within the unused channels of your perception are clues to the mystery that will integrate and release the restrictive pattern.A meditation for Blue Night is, "I am the darkness that is the light and the stillness that is the dancing." This meditation perfectly describes the paradoxical energy of Blue Night, the place of darkness from which all light emanates, the no-form abyss that contains all possibility. In finding this still point of Blue Night, you can access any expression of the light. The energy of Blue Night simply asks you to be still, to allow that expression to take shape from the darkness. From the darkness of Blue Night emerges the Essence Self. Sit in stillness, embracing the journey of insight and integration.The colour of Blue Night is black, which represents the womb of the larger self, the receptive condition necessary to receive the light fully. Black is also an access route to the wisdom of the unconscious, the mystery of the abyss where you can tap into the collective dreamfield for insight and creative ideas. Blue Night also includes the shades of gray, symbolic of the merging of light with the darkness. If you wish to work with the energy of Blue Night, visualize black.

Yellow Star represents your Challenge and Gift.
With maturity and awareness this challenge will turn into a Focus. This is what you desire to learn in this lifetime.

One shadow of Yellow Star is believing in an exclusive path or that there is only one true or right system to bring you to enlightenment. However, your personal path is unique. Listen and learn from all teachers, but know that it is up to you to integrate their wisdom into your own truth. The wise way show-er encourages you to be open to all teachings, to follow your own heart's path.Another shadow of Yellow Star is that your life's lessons place you in the midst of disharmonious situations. This may be experienced as living and working with people with whom you feel confict or friction. Another aspect of this shadow is the judgement that sometimes follows from holding harmony as an ideal. All the ways you walk your path can be steps in the practice of harmony. Enact harmony through your relationships, emotions, environment, and expanded viewpoints.The transformation offered in the shadow of Yellow Star is found by becoming aware of the existing harmony or disharmony in your life. Be willing to appreciate or prune where necessary. Call on wisdom and love to facilitate this pruning process. Open more fully to harmony in all aspects of your life. This harmony of self and one's life becomes the foundation of freedom.You may also judge yourself because you can't seem to remember all that you are. Perhaps you are trying to figure out your purpose, awaken to your destiny, or understand why you came here. Simplify. Look at your present gifts and talents. Free your thoughts and your self-critical nature. You are, in this moment, the sum total of all that you are, have been, and the potential of your complete becoming. Simply be yourself, for only this will open you to the magic of your untapped potential.Unlike the preceding 7 tones, which were seperate and distinct, Yellow Star begins a more complex harmonic series as it completes the preceding octave. On a spiritual level, Yellow Star begins the development of higher being. The fundamental tones that occur in this series are of a more expanded frequency than those of the preceding seven tones. In this new octave, there is alignment in the harmonies of Earth and the harmonies of the stars that are now being sounded on Earth. Yellow Star is the first in a series of star harmonies that evoke accelerated growth of the starseed potential within you.Yellow Star offers you the ability to hold a greatly expanded focus, a unity of awareness that encompasses aspects of the larger constellation of self. An example of this would be a simultaneous awareness of the desires of the existential self and the truth of the Essence Self. This star harmony encompasses the greatly enlarged perspective of your starseeded self, the part within you that holds the potential of your greatest destiny.

Red Dragon is your Compliment - something that comes naturally to you.

Red Dragon represents the root source of life, the nurturance and support of primary being, and within it are found the primal waters of unity. This is where your deepest roots receive true nourishment. Red Dragon is the energy of form contained within the formlessness of the primordial sea.
Primal trust means making choices with no guarantees, knowing that divine nurturance will provide what is needed for your journey. It means making choices moment by moment, implicitly trusting your innate steering mechanism of heart-knowing. Primal trust implies surrendering to the will of the divine self, letting go of what your ego deems to be control of the outcomes in your life. It means deeply trusting the processes that are at work within your present spiral of evolution.The energy of Red Dragon asks you to embrace the depth of your receptivity. Perhaps you have been taught that it is better to give than to receive. Giving is a powerful way to learn how to receive, but it is not the whole picture. There is a circuit of completion in giving and receiving that happens within you and in your external world at the same time. If you trust unconditionally in the giving, you are not attached to how the gift is received. When you freely give, you fill your cup with sweet waters, which you can then offern innocently and purely to another. Know, on one level, that your gift is poured out universally regardless of how it appears to be received. However, when the gift comes from the ego, it is limited by expectations and conditions. Love just is. It is neither given nor taken; rather it is simply discovered and allowed.The universe is an inseparable whole. Red Dragon represents the energy matrix lines that look like a web in the universe, through which all points are connected in time and space. This energetic web of communication is known as the 'crystal grid network.' It is a cauldron of creation, a potent field in which all things are not only possible but constantly being created. Within this grid, the linear causality of time and space has been freed into an open system in which all time and all space exist and interact simultaneously. This grid connects the larger holograms of reality with our own. Its energy lines connect all places, times and events - even those that are seemingly unrelated. All phenomena and all actions are part of this larger whole; it is the very foundation for telepathy and synchronicity. Red Dragon embodies unity, in which all things are one with the Source.

Your Tone is Tone 2 - Lunar

Loom of reality, sacred twins, cooperation, relationship, polarity of male and female, duality.
Two is the ray of polarity: the sacred twins, smoky mirror and the clear reflection, all things in relationship. Polarity is the loom on which reality is strung, the magnetic dance of universal forces. Within the mirror of polarity, you will find the many faces of illusion, as well as ultimate freedom from illusion.
Polarity reveals your conflicts, struggles, and the apparent separation created by your beliefs in duality. Examine your attractions and aversions. Discover the loom of reality that is intricately woven in relationship. Utilize the teachings that are held in the number two. Polarized positions actually work in cooperative alliance. In cooperation, all polarities serve as backgrounds for full appreciation of one another and the whole.
Also examine the polarity of male and female within yourself. Explore your divine feminine and masculine aspects. Look for the gifts within your relationships. Invesitage the polarities within them, and explore the natural lines of force and growth they create. Remember, polarity is the pulse of Universal Source!

In the shadow of Blue Hand

In the shadow of Blue Hand are spiritual distractions and resistances. As you hit 'growth edges', you can experience issues and resistance to revealing your true beauty and power. On your path, you will always be offered access to tools and further initiations. Think back to a time when you were offered such a gift, to a time when you embarked on a new quest or possibility. Remember the feeling of spiritual grace that accompanied that gift. Watch for other such openings that will be offered. They may appear in unusual circumstances. You may even find them in times of emotional crisis and amidst unusual access to hidden potentials. Becoming aware of these initiatory portals opens the door to guides and allies. It can also break the spell of distractions and reactive behaviours.

Another shadow of Blue Hand is difficulty in completing things. Completion is especially difficult if you feel inadequate or displeased with the possible outcome of your efforts. If you take on too much, you may become too pressured and scattered to finish. You may also relish the creative process but lose motivation because of hidden issues or what appears as the hard work required to finish. Completion becomes easier if you allow yourself to be excited and satisfied by the steps along the way.

Another shadow of Blue Hand is not having the desire and discipline needed to master a tool (such as meditation, healing, or some aspect of the creative arts). It is important to remember that committment, focused intent, and openness are all necessary to the acquisitions of any new skill.

A related shadow of Blue Hand is in believing that the tool has the power. However, tools are simply vehicles for your connection with the Divine. Do you think your ability to access information using such things as tarot cards and astrology charts come from the symbols or system? The tool simply provides a means for you to focus, to open to the truth being revealed through the metaphor. If you are overidentified and attached to your tools - books, crystals, symbols, systems and so on - you may believe the power is outside yourself. Open to the clarity of your mystical nature. You are the tool through which Spirit speaks. You are the open vessel in which the light can play.

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